by
Dany Ghassan Charbel, Msc.
Robert W.D. Gorter, MD, PhD.
August 9th, 2024
We all have our ups and downs in life. Bad things might happen to you or people you know on a daily basis. But there are some people who claim it is never their fault. They argue that they have no control over the tough situations and problems they encounter. It is simply always happening to them.
Victimhood can become a part of a person’s identity, but it is a learned behavior and can be changed. It often evolves as a defense mechanism to cope with adverse life events.
People who constantly blame other people or situations for the events in their lives have a victim mentality.
The true victim suffered an abuse: physical, material, financial, psychological. When the real victim recounts his misfortunes, he is prey to multiple emotions, he is shocked, worried, terrified and his way of saying is often disjointed, because it is mainly emotional.
Real victims take the decision to overcome the abuse and usually, get back to normal life.
On the other hand, there are manipulative people who often present themselves as victims in order to gain control and power over others: thus, they are false victims.
When the false victim tells you about his misfortunes, he is often very calmly, without too much emotion, almost as if he has become detached.
The false victim takes advantage of the assault he is exposed to in order to benefit from others. He is a victim in the past, present, and in the future.
False victimization syndrome:
False victim syndrome (FVS) is a condition in which a person believes that he is the victim of a crime or injustice, even when there is no objective evidence to support this belief. People with false victim syndrome often have a history of mental health problems, and they may be seeking attention or sympathy from others. In some cases, people with false victim syndrome may make false accusations of crimes or try to frame others for crimes they did not commit.
Victimization refers to a person being made into a victim by someone else and can take on psychological as well as physical forms, both of which are damaging to victims (1). Forms of victimization include (but are not limited to) bullying or peer victimization, physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, robbery, and assault. Some of these forms of victimization are commonly associated with certain populations, but they can happen to others as well. For example, bullying or peer victimization is most commonly studied in children and adolescents but also takes place between adults (2). Although anyone may be victimized, particular groups (e.g. children, the elderly, individuals with disabilities) may be more susceptible to certain types of victimization and as a result to the symptoms and consequences that follow. Individuals respond to victimization in a wide variety of ways, so noticeable symptoms of victimization will vary from person to person. These symptoms may take on several different forms (e.g. psychological, behavioral, or physical), be associated with specific forms of victimization, and be moderated by individual characteristics of the victim and/or experiences after victimization (3).
What Does a Victim Mentality Mean?
“It’s not my fault.” Someone who acts from a place of victimhood claims things that happen to them are the fault of someone or something other than themselves. It might be the fault of their partner, family, co-worker, friend, or “the way the world is.” They frequently complain about the bad things that happen in their lives. They are reluctant to take personal responsibility, asserting that the circumstances aren’t in their control.
It is not a martyr complex. Victim mentality can sometimes be confused with a martyr complex. They are two similar behaviors, but there are some differences. Victims take things personally. Even if a comment or statement wasn’t directed at them, they will still absorb it as if it was. “What did I do to deserve this?” is a common question for them.
On the other hand, a person with a martyr complex will often go out of their way to take on extra tasks for other people, even if they don’t want to. They sacrifice themselves for others yet often feel resentful after the fact.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms. People who have a victim mentality have often suffered through trauma or hard times, but haven’t developed a healthier way to cope. As a result, they develop a negative view of life, where they feel that they don’t have any control over what happens to them. Because they don’t think anything is their fault, they have little or no sense of responsibility for their lives. It just happens to them.
If someone tries to help or offer solutions, they’re often prepared with a list of reasons why that will not work. People who try to help are often left frustrated and confused.
How to Stop Being the Victim
Victim mentality is learned behavior. In other words, it is not something one is born with. It is something one learnt in a social environment. It could be learned from family members or the result of trauma. However, one has the power to overcome it. Take the first steps in the following ways.
Take responsibility. You are the only one who controls your actions. You might not be able to control others, but you control how you react to them. You control who you spend your time with, and where. Realize your potential and get in the driver’s seat of your life.
Self-care and compassion. Victim mentalities are subconsciously adopted as a way to cope, often from past trauma. Be compassionate to yourself in your recovery. Practice self-care and self-love. Journaling can be a helpful tool to work through your feelings.
Start saying “no”. You can say no to something you don’t want to do. It’s okay. Even if other people feel you are letting them down, take care of your energy and prioritize yourself.
Educate yourself. Read books about the victim mentality and how it affects your life. Consider seeking therapy. The more you educate yourself on the topic, the more likely you are to stay on track with your recovery and avoid going back to your old way of thinking and feeling.
Art Therapy and Eurythmy
Especially Eurythmy practiced at the working place and at schools has significant socializing effects on groups of people meeting together and respecting each other in space and time.
When moving Eurythmy in an established group (like at work or at school), the sense of community among the members is strengthened, which helps such group to accomplish greater deeds together, gently, with compassion and respect, in joy and peace.
References
- Lawrence, Erika; Yoon, Jeungeun; Langer, Amie; Ro, Eunyoe (1 February 2009). “Is Psychological Aggression as Detrimental as Physical Aggression?”
- The Independent Effects of Psychological Aggression on Depression and Anxiety Symptoms”. Violence and Victims. 24 (1): 20–35. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.24.1.20. PMID 19297883. S2CID 31913390.
- Aquino, Karl; Douglas, Scott; Martinko, Mark J. (2004). “Overt Anger in Response to Victimization: Attributional Style and Organizational Norms as Moderators”. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology. 9 (2): 152–164. doi:10.1037/1076-8998.9.2.152. PMID 15053714.
- Kanitz JL, Pretzer K, Reif M, et al (2011) The impact of eurythmy therapy on stress coping strategies and health-related quality of life in healthy, moderately stressed adults. Complement Ther Med 19:247–255. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ctim.2011.06.008